New drugs for womem

P E P T O B I M B O
Liquid silicone drink for single women. Two full cups swallowed before an evening out increases breast size, decreases intelligence, and prevents conception.

BUYAGRA
Injectable stimulant taken prior to shopping Increases potency, duration, and credit limit of spending spree.

A N T I-T A L K S I D E N T
A spray carried in a purse or wallet to be used on anyone too eager to share their life stories with total strangers in elevators.

D A M N I T O L
Take 2 and the rest of the world can go to hell for up to 8 full hours

E M P T Y N E S T R O G E N
Suppository that eliminates melancholy and loneliness by reminding you of how awful they were as teenagers and how you couldn't wait till they moved out.

F L I P I T O R
Increases life expectancy of commuters by controlling road rage and the urge to flip off other drivers.

J A C K A S S P I R I N
Relieves headache caused by a man who can't remember your birthday, anniversary, phone n umber, or to lift the toilet seat.

M E N I C I L L I N
Potent anti-boy-otic for older women. Increases resistance to such lethal lines as, "You make me want to be a better person. "

ST. M O M M A'S W O R T
Plant extract that treats mom's depression by rendering preschoolers
unconscious for up to two days.

N A G A M E N T
When administered to a boyfriend or husband, provides the same irritation level as nagging him.